It's not about me

Some thoughts on recent events.....
Met with Chris and Jae for Outside the Bowl. Seems like a great idea/organization. Love the idea of it. Love how it all started. Met Jae and his wife, Deborah, and loved them. They have such a heart for the Lord. They went through very similar things when 5 yrs ago they sold their house and went to S. Africa. So, they wanna do the same food center thing in Haiti and Mexico. Should we go? Is that where God wants us? My heart doesn't break as much for them, but is that simply because we have not been there? From the very beginning we have said that we want God to us-in-spite of us. In-spite of our desires, or where we want to go, or what we want to be doing. We told Him we want to be used by Him, in whatever way He wanted. So, is this a test? Cause Haiti seems so perfect for us, and yet not really, all at the same time. It's perfect because it seems we would really be using our gifts. Bran's gift of being able to do anything anywhere would help so much. We would be the logistics side in Haiti. He would have to think on his feet, not being afraid to act and do without being able to be in constant communication with OTB. I would have to put on my hospitality hat and talk with other churches and organizations there to see if they need help feeding people. We would pry have short term teams coming down, which at face value, is not really something I wanna do. To be hospitiable to other Americans. I wanna help the poor, down trodden, adandoned, orphaned. Not play babysitter. But, those are all things I want and don't want to do. God might have a whole other story in mind. In fact, I find it interesting I just read in Crazy Love how it's not all about me! Hello!! It's not about me. It's not about me. IT"S NOT ABOUT ME. I can say it, but can I live it? Can I go somewhere I don't really wanna go, and do something I'm not super stoked on. Yes. But I have to pray for my heart. Because I wanna help people directly, but, in reality, can I do that if I don't even speak their language? So, maybe this is the best way we can help. To help other organizations help people who need it. Is it a pride thing? I want to be right there in the midst of it, not in the background? I hope not, but maybe it is. I have been earnestly seeking God. Daily asking Him what He wants. And He keeps giving me verses that speak right to my heart. No, they don't say what I want them to say, "yes go to Haiti, no don't go" HAHA but they do say,
~"Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you" 1Peter 5:7
~"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble" 1Peter 5:5b
~"Look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself polluted by the world"
James 1:27b
He has been so faithful to speak to me in His Word. I sometimes think He isn't speaking to me when I don't hear an audible voice. Yet, the Bible is His Word. It is the word of God. I need to learn to listen to that, because it is Him talking to me.